Ayahuasca Life

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Sanango/Ayahuasca Workshop Oct. 30

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The beautiful thing about fucking up is that we fuck up perfectly.

I just finished up my 7 day Sanango/Ayahuasca workshop with Blue Morpho. The format was two Sanango ceremonies at 3 AM, a day of rest, then three Ayahuasca ceremonies in a row. The week was full of realizations, fun, and mishaps that I have to take full responsibility for.

Sanango is definitely NOT for those new to Amazonian shamanism. We drank the Sanango prepared the evening before at 3AM with a short ceremony ending at 4AM and a return to our bungalows for sleep. Upon waking later in the morning I noticed a slight tingling throughout my body and a bit of blurred vision. I yelled out to Teddy to see how he was doing…his response was a laughing, “I am ok, but my legs don’t work. I am not sure I can get my underwear on”. I was able to move around albeit slowly as my limbs started to feel as if they were asleep. About 30 minutes later I heard Teddy coming out of the bathroom just as I felt the need to go in. I opened my mosquito net, moved my legs to the floor from my bed, pushed to stand up only to collapse back giggling on my bed. My legs were wobbly and needed more mental focus to work. I pulled it together and was able to stand upright. Walking was unstable with my feet feeling like diving fins flopping around and my vision was going between blurry and double vision. I held onto the walls as I inched towards the bathroom and found Teddy coming out of the bathroom in a similar manner. We looked into each other’s eyes with an “Oh my god what am I doing here, how am I going to get to my destination, and why did I do this” look on our faces. Laughter ensued. The next several hours were spent moving slowly as it either felt weird or hurt to move at all.

The effects of Sanango varied greatly among other guests. Some had no pain nor vision issues at all. I watched those people with envy as they walked across the room with ease.

By the morning of the second Sanango ceremony my body had gotten used to the medicine and the only thing I noticed was lethargy.

Sanango as a medicine is often associated with integrity. That is it makes one aware of their own BS stories and allows release of those stories as they come up.  As situations arise options are reduced, and eventually the one option that is aligned with heart is revealed.  My understanding is that this is a process that accelerates in the months following drinking Sanango.  Ayahuasca is used in combination with Sanango to amplify Sanango’s effects. As I write this, days after the workshop ended, I have noticed a shift around integrity in both subtle and obvious ways.  I am excited to see how it manifests further.

The last three nights were Ayahuasca ceremonies. I have discovered that during Ayahuasca ceremony I have a little mischievous devil spirit that comes out, one that I am not able to recognize while it has a hold on me. It is a spirit that likes to party and be funny. This type of behavior is fine in some contexts but in ceremony it is unacceptable as ceremony is a sacred space (think of this space as a church or temple). During the second ceremony this bugger came out in full force as I broke out into song mid ceremony- not a good thing, as the song I sang was not a medicine song. You might call it a shamanic faux pas….a grand faux pas.

The next day I was pulled aside and told that I need to control the spirit in ceremony. The lack of control is acceptable for guests, but if I am to work with Blue Morpho- I am not a guest and I am held to a higher standard. This is key as Blue Morpho is very focused on the safety of guests (both physically and spiritually) which means those working for Blue Morpho must be impeccable…this little devil spirit does not mesh with impeccability.

I was given some very good advice as to how to deal with the little guy. For the hours leading to the last ceremony I avoided people, meditated, and tracked my ceremony experience from the previous night in order to identify how the spirit manifested. Then it hit me- subconsciously I was treating ceremony like a party NOT a sacred space. I even tracked this back to childhood and the experience that opened me up to this type of mischief. I also called on my power animal, God, other medicine men and shamans to help me control this little guy in ceremony. My mantra for the evening was “this is a sacred space…like a sweat, like a healing ceremony, like a sun dance”. As I walked into the ceremony hall I was hyper aware, silently chanting my mantra and calling for strength.

Ceremony was amazing. I was able to maintain focus and keep the little bugger in check. It felt like temptation was EVERYWHERE. There was singing and play going on but I stayed focused and centered. Visions were absolutely off the charts. Sometime during the ceremony I realized that while the ceremony hall was a sacred space, so is the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I kept movement minimal and remained silent. I did not talk to anyone as I felt that talking would be too tempting for me to keep the little guy in check.

Finally ceremony ended. I felt a huge relief. Hamilton made his rounds shaking hands and hugging guests. When he came to me he gave me a thumbs up and a huge hug. I was thinking SWEET! I made it! Then I sat down and re-focused. I said to myself “This is not over”. At this point I decided not to talk for the rest of the night. This strategy worked for about ten minutes.

The woman next to me started to talk to me. I motioned that I was not talking. This transitioned into a mime conversation. It was at this point that the clever little devil morphed and adapted to the situation. I bopped around the room having mime conversations with everyone. It was fun and funny…somewhat ridiculous. I had fucked up perfectly.


Written by ayahuascalife

November 7, 2010 at 2:33 am

3 Responses

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  1. Wow homie. That sounds like quite a wild time. Sanango sounds like some very powerful medicine. Thanks for laying down your experience. And, I agree, if you’re going to fuck up, you might as well do it perfectly.


    November 8, 2010 at 12:23 am

  2. As I struggled out loud about how I was going to get my pants on, one of the guests from the bungalow next door proclaimed “one pant leg at a time Teddy” kinda like life…one small step at a time.

    On another note this experience highlighted my ability to see people at their worst, physically and mentally, and love them anyways.

    Teddy Love

    November 8, 2010 at 1:22 am

  3. Sounds like an intense experience. Well written man, I could feel the tension of your struggle as I read your story.


    November 12, 2010 at 5:18 pm

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